With just one day to go until I embark on my walk across India. I have had the time to truly reflect and contemplate the reasons behind why I have chosen to do this.
I can admit to you that for periods of my life I have been - as I like to coin it - "rattled".
Rattled in my own cage where I struggled with these overwhelming feelings of anxiety, questioning my own purpose of life. Life - the main prize - the most treasured and valued possession slowly to me developed into a sense of worthlessness. It's a dark place as these thoughts slowly manifest and creep into your mind on a more regular basis.
I once had such high ambition to 'succeed' - hook, line and sinker I was sold into the life we are engrained to live. I began to wish away the work week and arrive to the weekend where drugs (alcohol primarily), became my favourite toy in the playground, my childish way to escape from my boredom and intense pressures I placed on myself. It was at these times my brain felt at most ease, high on life - without a care in the world. A destructive habit that was only a short term fix for my constant washing-machine like pattern of my thoughts that would sometimes spiral out of control.
I had lost all momentum. I was stuck in the sleep walking routine of mediocrity and I couldn't explain why I had these feelings, when in reality I had won the lotto in life. I masked my true feelings behind my outgoing personality - yet felt so alone, silenced by the stigma.
It was time to take ownership and get my shit together to make the positive changes in my life. So - as you do - I decided to walk across India... Really? I could of just done the Bondi to Bronte.
In all seriousness, I can't pinpoint how I came to this, other than an unexplainable desire within to travel and explore the world. There is something powerful about escaping an enabling environment, being thrown into another world and left to fend for yourself. I believe it is part of our instinctive human nature to explore new territories in order to self develop.
I also wanted a challenge to get outside of my comfort zone and confront the pain of a physical challenge. So often I have quit when the going has gotten tough. In reality, I was obsessed with the reward and result, not the pain and process to get there.
I have no special skills or talents. Me doing this, truly enforces faith in the saying that "anything is possible, if you put your mind to it."
It is often your most uncomfortable moments in life when you learn the most about yourself.
Hopefully by sharing my learning and experience will help others voice their pain and empower you to take control of your life and embrace the person you want to be.
"When you change yourself, you have the ability to change the world."